An adventure in medical education

Retired from teaching, I may be. But I find I can still make a contribution to the education of young people.

I recently made an appointment with my doctor for my annual physical exam, and in the week before the day of the appointment, I developed a rash and a little cluster of pustules low on my posterior, at that chasm between the two halves of the body (I’ll spare you a description of the contortions I had to go through to see what was causing the painful itching I had). At about the same time, and I didn’t know whether this was related or not, I began to experience some pain urinating.

I was in an examination room when Ted opened the door. He is just a few years younger than I and has been my doctor for about 30 years. I have great confidence in him and consider him a friend. During my annual physicals we have often spent more time just chatting than with the exams themselves.

He is an avuncular, generous fellow, and over the years he has hosted students from local medical schools —always females, in my experience—who move from room to room with him as he makes his rounds. He explains to them his diagnoses of the complaints his patients bring to him and answers their questions.

Usually, he has had just one student in tow, but this time, four lovely young women with fetching smiles and wearing starched and shiny lab coats stood behind him in the doorway. He and I greeted each other and he asked why I was there. It was time for my annual physical, I said. “But I have something else I need to talk to you about.”

“What’s that?”

I looked at the smiling doctors-to-be.

“I’d rather tell you privately.”

He would be back, he said. In the meantime, he would have another young woman, a Chinese who was studying to be a nurse practitioner, go through the preliminary work. She went down the checklist about my general health, took my pulse and listened to me breathe.

Ted returned with one of the young women, and introduced her as a first-year medical student. She beamed. He told her to wait outside and dismissed the nurse practitioner student.

It was time for the piece de resistance, the digital exam of my prostate.

I took off my slacks and stood next to the examining table.

“So what’s this private matter,” he asked, as he snapped on a latex glove.

“You’ll see it when you are down there.”

“Drop your shorts.”

I did as I was told, and shorts around my ankles I bent over the table. He looked.

“Shingles,” he exclaimed. He was exuberant.

“Classic shingles,” he said, as he checked the condition of my prostate.

“Your prostate is enlarged,” he said, “and that’s because it has been infected by the shingles. There’s no evidence of an abnormality. But that’s what’s causing the pain when you urinate.”

He took off the glove. I resumed breathing.

“Would you mind if I showed the student?” He asked me.

Modesty gave me pause. “I’d hate to get her all excited.”

He laughed. “Pshaw.”

I agreed to let her see and I assumed the posture of a shy ostrich. He opened the door and asked the student in.

“Classic shingles,” he said to her. She looked at my 75-year-old nether region—I assume she looked—while he discussed the symptoms. I wondered whether she was still smiling.

When Ted finally ushered her out, I dug my face out of the examination table and dressed. He and I talked about the remedies for shingles and he prescribed a couple of pills for me to take during the next week. Then he was off to another room.

The young woman passed me without a word as I was leaving. But I understood. She probably didn’t recognize my face.

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Newspaper Mottoes How newspapers of the United States have described themselves to their readers

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It was once common for a newspaper to state a motto (slogan, tagline) in its nameplate on Page One. Like the New York Times' "All the News That's Fit to Print," the motto was a statement of principle for some newspapers; for others, such as theChicago Tribune ("World's Greatest Newspaper") or the Allentown Morning Call ("Lehigh Valley's Greatest Newspaper"), it was simply a chest-out boast. What follows are some mottoes that have flown under the flags of American newspapers through the years. 

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Worth Looking Into

--Aberdeen (S.D.) American News

The Newspaper That Pays for Itself

--Abilene (Tex.) Reporter News

Give Light and the People Will Find Their Way

--(Albuquerque) New Mexico State Tribune (adopted by all Scripps-Howard newspapers) [Thanks to Angus Lind, The Times-Picayune]

A Fearless And Wide-Awake Democratic Newspaper

--The (Alexandria, La.) Weekly Town Talk

Lehigh Valley's Greatest Newspaper

--The (Allentown, Pa.) Morning Call

If You Don't Want It Printed, Don't Let It Happen

--The Aspen (Colo.) Daily News [Thanks to Angus Lind, The Times-Picayune]

For x Years The South's Standard Newspaper

--The Atlanta Constitution

Covers Dixie Like The Dew

--The Atlanta Journal

South's Oldest Newspaper--Established 1785

--The (Augusta, Ga.) Chronicle

The Great Newspaper of the Southern San Joaquin Valley

--The Bakersfield (Calif.) Californian

Light For All

--The (Baltimore) Sun

Maine's Largest Daily Newspaper

--(Bangor, Me.) Daily News

At the Crossroads of West Texas

--Big Spring (Texas) Herald [Thanks to Angus Lind, The Times-Picayune]

A Clean Newsy Newspaper For the Home

--The (Beaver, Pa.) Daily Times

The Hometown Newspaper Of The Southern Tier

--The (Binghamton, N.Y) Evening Press

Liked by Many, Cussed by Some, Read by Them All

--The Blackshear (Ga.) Times

Fanning the Flames of Discontent

--(Boonville, Mo.) Anderson Valley Advertiser

The Gimlet -- It Bores In.

--(Brownsville, Ky.) Edmonson News

Boston's Independent Newspaper

--Boston Traveler

America's Most Colorful Newspaper

--Burlington (Vt.) Free Press [Thanks to John Engels, International Business Initiatives--IBI]

To Give The News Impartially, Without Fear or Favor.

                                --Chattanooga Times Free Press [Thanks to Bill Peterson]

An Independent Newspaper

--Chicago Daily News

World's Greatest Newspaper

--Chicago Tribune

Open to all Parties--but influenced by none

--The (Cincinnati) Centinel of the North-Western Territory

The Newspaper That Serves Its Readers

--The Cleveland Press

Independent But Not Neutral

                                          --Colebrook (N.H.) News and Sentinel

A Weekly Newspaper for the Mutual Benefit of Ourselves, Colleton and Beaufort Districts and Mankind Generally.

--Colleton and Beaufort (S.C.) Sun [Thanks to Debbie van Tuyll, Augusta State University]

Independent Since 1880 / America's Oldest Independent College Daily

--The Cornell Daily Sun [Thanks to Donna Kramer]

Continuously Published for x Years

--The Dallas Times Herald

The Voice of the Rocky Mountain Empire

--The Denver Post

Colorado's First Newspaper--Founded in 1859

--(Denver) Rocky Mountain News

On Guard for x Years

--The Detroit Free Press

The Home Newspaper For More Than x Years

--The Detroit News

America's Oldest Continuously Published Newspaper

--Hartford Courant [Thanks to Diego Sorbara]

Houston's Family Newspaper

--Houston Chronicle

Mississippi's Leading Newspaper For More Than A Century

--The (Jackson) Clarion-Ledger

A Leader In The Growth And Development Of Florida And The South For x Years

--The (Jacksonville) Florida Times-Union

America's No. 1 Small City / Capital of the East Texas Oil Field

--Kilgore (Tex.) News Herald

The Oldest Newspaper West of the Mississippi

--(Little Rock) Arkansas Gazette

Long Island's Only-Online Newspaper

--The Long Island Times [Thanks to Denise Newton]

An Independent Democratic Newspaper Of The First Class Unchallenged In Its Field

--The Longview (Tex.) Daily News

Largest Circulation In The Entire West

--Los Angeles Herald Examiner

Largest Circulation In The West

--Los Angeles Times

The Only Newspaper in the World That Gives a Damn About Yerington

--Mason Valley (Nev.) News

Your GOOD NEWSpaper!

--The McKenzie (Tenn.) Banner

Florida's Most Complete Newspaper (also, Florida's Complete Newspaper)

--The Miami Herald

Central And South Alabama's Largest Evening Newspaper

--(Montgomery) Alabama Journal

Serving America's International Gateway Since 1837

--The (New Orleans) Times-Picayune

The Lively One, With a Mind of Its Own

--The (New Orleans) States-Item [Thanks to Angus Lind, The Times-Picayune]

The Truth is Always Fair

--(New Orleans) Daily Truth [Thanks to Angus Lind, The Times-Picayune]

The Best Paper, the Brightest Paper, the Cheapest Paper

--(New Orleans)Evening Chronicle [Thanks to Angus Lind, The Times-Picayune]

The Only Louisiana Newspaper for a Dime a Week

--(New Orleans) Evening Telegram [Thanks to Angus Lind, The Times-Picayune]

Patroness of Peace, Commerce, and the Liberal Arts

--The (New York) American Minerva

New York's Picture Newspaper

--(New York) Daily News

Established x Years Ago. A European Edition Is Published Daily In Paris

--New York Herald-Tribune

It Shines For All.

--The New York Sun

All The News That's Fit to Print

--The New York Times

Haec olim meminisse juvabit [It will profit us to remember these things in the future. Virgil.]

--Niles' Weekly Register

Good Paper, Good Ink, Good Work and Prompt Delivery

--Osceola (Ark.) Times

Discover What's In It For You

--(Palmdale, Calif.) Antelope Valley Press

The Oldest Daily Newspaper In The United States--Founded 1771 / An Independent Newspaper For All The People

--The Philadelphia Inquirer

The State's Greatest Newspaper

--The (Phoenix) Arizona Republic

Published In The Interests Of The Oregon Country And Its People

--(Portland) Oregon Journal

Going where no dog has gone before -- and without a leash!

The only good sacred cow is medium rare with fries.

--The Putnam Pit (Cookeville, Putnam County, Tennessee) [Thanks to Geoff Davidian, publisher]

The Mountain West's First Newspaper

--(Salt Lake City) Deseret News

A Constructive Force In The Community

--San Antonio (Tex.) Light

The City's Only Home-Owned Newspaper

--San Francisco Chronicle

Monarch of the Dailies

--San Franciso Examiner

San Francisco's Evening Newspaper

--News Call Bulletin

The Oldest Daily Newspaper In Southern California

--Santa Barbara News-Press

The West's Oldest Newspaper...Founded 1849

--The (Santa Fe) New Mexican

Light of the Coastal Empire

--Savannah Morning News [Thanks to Julia Muller, Savannah Now]

Today's News Today

--Schenectady (N.Y.) Union-Star

The Great Newspaper Of The Great Northwest (also, The Voice of the Northwest)

--Seattle Post-Intelligencer

The Only Evening Newspaper in St. Louis With the Associated Press News Service

--St.Louis Post-Dispatch

Oldest Newspaper in Minnesota

--St. Paul Pioneer-Press

Hometown Folks Serving Hometown Folks for Over 20 Years (Also Serving Sylacauga and Pell City)

--The Talledega (Ala.) Daily Home [Thanks to Angus Lind, The Times-Picayune]

One of America's Great Newspapers--In One of America's Great Cities

--The Toledo Blade

116 Years In the Town Too Tough To Die/No Tombstone Is Complete Without Its Epitaph

--Tombstone (Ariz.) Epitaph [Thanks to Charles Walker]

Oklahoma's Greatest Newspaper / Reliability, Character, Enterprise

--Tulsa Daily World

Kansas' Leading Home Newspaper For x Years

--The Wichita Eagle

Your Hometown Newspaper Since 1916

--(Wiggins, Miss) Stone County Enterprise [Thanks to Angus Lind, The Times-Picayune]

An International Daily Newspaper

--Christian Science Monitor

Righteousness Exalteth A Nation

--Freedom's Journal

The World Is Governed Too Much

--The Globe

Our Country Is The World--Our Countrymen Are Mankind

--The Liberator

Right Is Of No Sex, Truth Is Of No Color, God Is The Father of Us All, And We Are All Brethren.

--The North Star

Power Is Always Stealing From The Many To The Few

--United States' Telegraph

It Screams

--The (Whitesburg, KY) Mountain Eagle [Thanks to Hunter Marks]

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A summer day in New Orleans

I had a little time to kill this afternoon, and I decided to get gas for the car while the needle was still hovering above "Empty."

The temperature had been in the 90s, and no rain was in the forecast I had heard on the noon news, so I punched the button on the pump to get the deluxe wash,too. “See the attendant,” a pop-up on the screen told me. I filled my tank and went inside the store to do what I had been told.

“The car wash is broken,” a dark fellow with what I took to be a thick Pakistani accent told me. I had not heard him clearly. “What?” I asked. A lighter skinned man behind the immigrant said more clearly, “The car wash is broken.”

Another day in New Orleans, I thought, not altogether happily, and walked outside and drove away.

An hour or so later, I was sitting in the den reading, and I heard rain against the window pane. “Lucky for me the wash was broken,” I thought. (Had I gotten the wash, of course, I would have muttered, "Just my luck.")

I should have second-guessed the weatherman. Earlier, I had looked up at the sky, and it was filled with great fluffy creatures: crouching rabbits, begging poodles and a full-bodied naked woman lying on her side.

After the rain had stopped, I took the dogs out into the steam, and we walked three-quarters around the block when the rain began again. I had had the foresight to take an umbrella, but the dogs had not, so they needed drying when we got home. Still, as soon as I had worked them over with beach towels, they shook whatever wet was left on them on me and the furniture.

By then, the rain had stopped again, and we have had no more since.

And no more cumulus rabbits, poodles, or – I am sad to say – full-bodied naked women.

Nuthin' but blue skies.

Dux Academicus

Loyola University honored me with its Dux Academicus award for 2009 at the January convocation. The award is given annually to a faculty member who “is able to impart the knowledge and wisdom of the humanities, sciences or the professions to students in a manner consistent with the unique philosophy of Loyola University New Orleans as a Jesuit institution of higher education.” My response--I was alloted two minutes--was the following:

I am greatly honored – and the moreso because I so admire and respect those of our colleagues whom I have watched come up here in the past to accept the Dux Academicus. I am in awe of that company.

To be singled out when there are so many of you merit this award, is humbling.
And to be recognized for outstanding teaching, scholarship and service in a Jesuit institution makes the moment golden.

I have been with the Jesuits, on both sides of the desk, for nearly 60 years all told—from that time when they wore those forbidding black cassocks to now, when we might occasionally spot a Jesuit on campus in pink button-down shirt and Madras Bermuda shorts. At one time, I had the temerity to think I might be one of them and entered a novitiate. I lasted until lent.

Though the Jesuits are fewer now than when they wore the black robes, their ideas are still the palpable soul of this campus. Justin Nystrom, of the history department, and I walked together from the parking garage to Bobet Monday morning, and I asked him how he had enjoyed his first semester of teaching here. Justin said, “it’s nice to be at a place with a broader vision.” And indeed it is--after his one semester or my fifty-seven.

It occurred to me long ago that we lay faculty who are privileged to be associated with the Jesuits absorb at least some of their characteristics, to our students’ benefit: that purposeful, spiritually driven striving to form young men and women, intellectually and morally, who will leave Loyola—to paraphrase Cardinal Newman—fit for the world.

My wife, Kathy, also a Jesuit university graduate, and I have five children, and we sent each of them to Loyola--not just because the price was right--though the price was right--but because we knew that this faculty, you with your broader vision, would do an outstanding job of educating them in the Jesuit tradition. We were not disappointed.

It is an honor, in itself, to be associated with you.

Discounting Happy Motoring

The cute young woman in the white pants suit who pitches Progressive automobile insurance 0n television has made us all aware that of the many discounts available: for good drivers, good students, non-smokers, and the like. I'd like to suggest that discounts also be provided to drivers who do not have cell phones.

I thought of that this morning on the way to campus when a fellow in one of those monstrosities that you have to buy at a lot on top of a craggy mountain came at me at an intersection and I saw my life pass before my eyes (not a pretty show, by the way). We avoided an accident, but I'm sure we would not have nearly met that way had he not had his cell phone to his ear.

God knows where his mind was. Having just left home myself, I figured that maybe his wife was giving him what-for for having forgotten all the things he should have done yesterday and telling him he'd darn well better not forget today.

I know I'd be listening to my wife give me the dickens for that sort of thing if I had a cell phone. Without one, however, I just get to listen to that before I go out the door, say my "yes, dears," and climb into the silence of my car. So I drive much more carefully than my near new acquaintance, and I think it only just that my insurance rates be lower than his

In fact, it occurs to me that it's also dangerous for me to drive with my wife alongside me and listen to her recite all my undone tasks and other faults, of which the list is just a page or two longer than the litany of the saints, and how much safer I am when I'm alone in the car and able to devote my full attention to avoiding accidents with people who are talking (or, in the case of husbands, listening) on their cell phones.

Come to think of it, maybe the insurance companies also ought to give a safe driver discount for husbands who drive alone.

Two articles published on paper

While I was putting finishing touches on the syllabus for my spring course Communications Writing, I decided to let students see (and criticize, if they wish) postings on this blog. For them, and for my other two or three readers, I’ll include two articles that I wrote for Conversations, a publication distributed to faculty and staff members of the 28 Jesuit colleges and universities.

“Katrina Strikes and Southern Jesuit Colleges Survive,” Conversations on Jesuit Higher Education, No. 29 (Spring 2006)

http://www.marquette.edu/library/archives/Conversations/No29_2006/29_lorenz.pdf

“Journalism and Jesuit Mission,” Conversations on Jesuit Higher Education, No. 35 (Spring 2009)

http://www.marquette.edu/library/archives/Conversations/No35_2009/no35_lorenz.pdf